Woody Allen

• Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
• Eighty percent of success is showing up.
• Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
• His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
• How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
• I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
• I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
• I took a speed-reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
• I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
• I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
• If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
• If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
• If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
• Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
• It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
• It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
• Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
• Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.
• Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
• The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic.
• Tradition is the illusion of permanence.